Tip of an Iceberg

“Emotions are responses to present stimuli as filtered through the memory of past experience, and they anticipate the future based on our perception of the past.”
— When the Body Says No by Gábor Maté

I had such a disruptive day this week!
I experienced my first professional rejection. After beginning one of my programs, a new client decided she didn’t want to continue and asked for a refund. At the same time, I had an official task due, one that, if not completed, would result in my registration being suspended. And meanwhile, I was supporting another woman who was taking me right out of my comfort zone.

All of this happened at once and sent me into a serious spin!
I knew though, I was being triggered.

So I paused to tune into the source of that trigger.

What Is a Trigger?

The word comes from the mechanism of a gun; you pull it, and what’s loaded is released. By definition, for something to be triggered, there has to be something loaded first.

In this case, what’s “loaded” is a past experience that gets reactivated in the present.

For me, it took me right back to being a teenager. One of my first boyfriends had ended things very suddenly. My universe fell apart. I was just at the beginning of puberty, full of emotion, uncertainty, and vulnerability. It was a massive blow to my young world.

I hadn’t thought about it in years, but that same sense of rejection came flooding back this week.
And with it, the feeling that I’m unworthy. Add to that the looming threat of my registration being cancelled. It was a perfect storm.

I could easily have labeled it anxiety or panic, but I knew something deeper was happening. I could feel it in my body. So I gave myself a few minutes to really feel it.

Underneath was that familiar old feeling: I’m not good enough.

It hit hard.
But, as soon as I identified it, something shifted. It was as if a pressure valve released. I took a moment to care for that younger part of myself, to meet her with compassion. From there I could address the client’s concerns with clarity. I realised her choice wasn’t actually about the work itself. I was able to resolve it quickly and with ease.

What could have taken me down for days, affecting my work, my relationships, my confidence was dissolved in less than half an hour.

This is the power of awareness, of slowing down and listening to what’s beneath the surface.
Like an iceberg, what we see on top is only a fraction of what’s really going on underneath.

If something in you recognises this, or if a recent trigger has opened an unexpected tenderness, know there’s always more to the story, and always a way through.

With love,
Anny