Rage, Menopause and Your Mother

Our mothers came from a different time, different circumstances, a different love language altogether. The level of protection, control, discipline, her way of relating, is unique to her own experience. And what I know for myself with my mother, and seeing this pattern arise around me, is deeply complex and complicated.

This primary relationship shapes so much of our lives, whether we are happy with her influence or not. We can either respond or react. Either way, it is still a response.

When I'm with women in clinic, most come to realise there is some aspect of this relationship woven into what's troubling them. This isn't always obvious, and can come as a shock, but often there's either an inkling or a clear knowing that her way of being has shaped their life significantly.

Heightened emotions, anger and rage in particular, are a very common response.

The Sea of Yin

In Chinese medicine, there's a vessel called the Ren Mai, the Conception Vessel, also known as the Sea of Yin. It's the one that opens at puberty, alongside the Chong Mai, bringing in our first cycle and the beginning of our fertile years.

At menopause, this same vessel closes. As it does, so much of what it's been navigating through our cycling years comes up for review, including the earliest years of our life, and the bond with our mother.

Puberty mirrors menopause, the two bookending our fertile years, and very often the rebel teen comes back out.

My mother

My mother died in my late 40s. Ours had been a complex relationship. Most of my life I moved between blaming her and empathising with her.

I thought I'd done the work to complete things before she died.

But when she did die, it was one of the most profound experiences of my life.

What I wasn't prepared for was discovering just how intertwined my identity was with who she'd "made me be," and who I had to become.

I'd built a fierce independence, not entirely by choice, more because I had to. I lived as though I still needed to survive her. When she left, all of that identity came tumbling down. I had no idea it had even been holding me up.

I've since seen this same pattern, in so many variations, in the women I work with, and when we begin to unravel some of this underworld, the level of symptom relief is remarkable.

If something here speaks to you, you can work with me in person at my clinic in Preston and at The Yin Palace gatherings in Melbourne, or online through my qigong community and Rage Rising. The Three Treasures Pathway is offered both in person and online.

With Love,
Anny 🌹