The Mother Line

Every time she spoke to her mother, her body went to war.

In her early twenties, a client of mine moved away from Melbourne to study abroad. I'll call her Claire. Her mother had a strong religious faith and was very firm about Claire following it too. Now in her early fifties, with a teenager of her own, Claire was still angry with her mother, and still found it hard to communicate. Claire knows the past is gone. She forgives her mother for the years of judgement and distance, and would love to have some closure before she passes, but was torn. Each time they spoke, her body reacted so strongly with flares of charged emotion; anger, frustration, impatience and a terrible need to correct her. Claire was finding it hard to make contact at all.

In all her years of psychology appointments, Claire had never been able to unwind this stickiness with her mother. In our sessions we gave space to the feelings more than her much repeated story. The feelings were deeply painful, and the tears immediate. What we uncovered was how traumatised her mother had been in her own life, and how much she had needed her faith to get through it. When Claire moved to the other side of the world, her mother had great fear for her. Faith was what had helped her, so it must help her daughter too.

Once Claire began to see the misunderstanding they had both been living in all these years, there was such relief. They are now building a relationship without the hate, the physical tightness and the need for distance. Claire's husband has noticed how much more at ease she is with him and their child also. Her independent spirit has been released, free of the self judgement, self loathing and moral weight she carried for so long. The tension has left her body too, no more migraines from grinding her teeth. It's no accident this rose for her in her early fifties.

The Mother Line

In Chinese medicine, the Ren Mai (Sea of Yin) is with us from conception. It holds our first bond with our mother, and it carries us through puberty, our first bleed, and all the way to menopause. In midlife, as the Tian Gui (Heavenly Waters or menstruation) stop flowing, the Ren Mai no longer pours yin outward each month. The sea doesn't disappear however, it turns inward and what we've held in our mother line often rises to be felt. The anger, the grief and distance all rise for review so the energy that may have felt stagnant can finally move.

So many women either take on their mother's shame and beliefs, or disregard her altogether. Cutting her off is like cutting off a part of ourselves, and what we cut off doesn't disappear, it is internalised or goes into shadow.

If something here speaks to you, you can work with me in person at my clinic in Preston and at The Yin Palace gatherings in Melbourne, or online through my qigong community and Rage Rising. The Three Treasures Pathway is offered both in person and online.

With Love,
Anny 🌹