Fight Can Also Be Love

We're told to lean into rest and digest, the parasympathetic state of the nervous system. While that's a good idea, there's more to it.

All over the media there is outrage at the events of sexual abuse and violence against women. Rage rising really is happening.

The thing is we can't be outraged if we're in parasympathetic all the time. It's the energy of the sympathetic state that allows for the charge. The charge we can hold, the charge that's so important!

At one of my talks, a woman shared she'd noticed troubling play by a few boys at her daughter's school. Her daughter was uncomfortable, but going along with it anyway.

This was upsetting for the woman, because she'd had her own boundaries violated earlier in life. And she was very clear this would not happen again.

She said having worked with me earlier this year, she was able to speak to the boys and to her daughter, because she knew now that this was not ok. She spoke kindly, but very clearly.

That took a sympathetic charge, she was activated.

Yet the sympathetic is usually seen as the stress response, something to be wary of. Stay away from sympathetic. But that's the very charge we need to protect ourselves and our children.

The bear and her paws

In qigong I talk about the bear and her paws. It's the same paw she uses, with claws, to defend from predators as she uses to pet and love her cubs. She is able to protect and nurture within moments of each other.

This is adaptability. In somatic experiencing it's called pendulation: moving through a range of states. There's no separation of yin and yang. Being fixed or held is a kind of stagnation, the very thing Chinese medicine sees as pathology.

It's a constant dance with the ever changing environment, and it's the same with our emotional world. The goal, if there is one, is to be flexible and fluid, remembering there is always a little yin in yang, and a little yang in yin.

Women in general haven't had this kind of training, we're taught to yield. But protection and boundaries are an activation against potential violence. They aren't violent in themselves. To fight can also be love, like protecting our kids, or teaching young kids when things are not ok. Occupying space, being able to turn and pivot, is a healthy channel system and a healthy nervous system.

Rage can take us by surprise because we're not used to allowing for the charge. It's understandable this energy feels unfamiliar. It hasn't been allowed since it's been deemed dangerous for us to have it.

But what if not having access to it has also taken away our flexibility? The ability to say no without flying off the handle. To say no with strength and conviction in your entire system, without hurting yourself or the other person. Speaking your truth is an active state.

Holding the charge is not suppressing it. It is having the vessel, the space in our body, our heart and our capacity. The same capacity for strong emotion protects us and gives us voice to say yes or no when we want and need.

If something here speaks to you, you can work with me in person at my clinic in Preston and at The Yin Palace gatherings in Melbourne, or online through my qigong community and Rage Rising. The Three Treasures Pathway is offered both in person and online.

With Love,
Anny 🌹